“Greenberg” by Thor Løve

A couple of weeks ago some of my friends came over to my house to watch the new short film by me. The friends included three of my male friends, a girl that I’m interested in, and a girl that I barely know that I invited simply because inviting only one girl would’ve been awkward and suspicious for the girl I’m interested in.

The showing of my new short film was held in the living room, but since it was the first time the girl I’m interested in had visited my home, I decided to show her my bedroom.

On top of the desk sat my laptop, turned on. The girl instantly noticed the wallpaper on the desktop of my laptop. The wallpaper was a production still from the movie “Greenberg”, featuring the stars Ben Stiller and Greta Gerwig. “Greenberg” is my favorite movie of all time. The girl asked me what movie my wallpaper was taken from. I said the movie was called “Greenberg” and it starred Ben Stiller and that she probably wouldn’t like it and that she probably shouldn’t watch it. She said she was interested anyway. We went back to the living room.

It was a carefully constructed psychological trick on my part. Obviously, I wanted her to watch my favorite movie of all time a lot. I had left the laptop on on purpose.

Back in the living room we finished watching the new short film of mine. After that, the girl “accidentally” noticed the carefully placed beforehand by me DVD of the movie “Greenberg”. She asked me if she could borrow it, in typical-for-her infantile, over-the-top manner. (Although the girl I’m interested in studies at university, she still looks like she’s at least three years younger than she is, and acts like she’s at least five years younger than she is. I do not say she is stupid. For example, her sense of humour seems darkly ironic; or maybe I am just imagining it.) I said that she couldn’t borrow it, because she probably wouldn’t return it and I occasionally liked to re-watch this movie. In reality, I bought the disc specifically to lend to her, as normally I pirate all the movies I watch. Besides, I had watched the movie “Greenberg” three times already and didn’t have any plans to watch it for the fourth time. She asked for the DVD once again, even in a more annoyingly infantile tone. I agreed to lend her the DVD, under the conditions that she would watch it as soon as possible and that she would return it as soon as she watched it.

A week later I called her on her mobile phone. I invited her over to my house to watch my new short film. She said that she’d already watched my short film the week before. I said that it was a newer short film. She said that unfortunately she already had other plans. She also said that she had dyed her hair a new colour. I asked her what colour it was. She said she couldn’t describe the colour properly and that I should see her new picture on facebook instead. I said I’d rather see it in person. She laughed and said that we should definitely meet soon.

Just when she was about to say bye, I asked her if she’d watched the movie yet. It was an extremely carefully timed move on my part, since I didn’t want to sound obnoxious. I think I succeeded and sounded pretty casual and spontaneous. She said that she had watched it, but unfortunately she couldn’t say she liked it and that the movie was not everybody’s cup of tea. I tried to sound self-ironical by saying that in my experience, the phrase “couldn’t say I like it” usually meant “absolutely hated it” and the phrase “not everybody’s cup of tea” meant “total shit”. I asked her if that was the case, because if it was, I’d definitely be cool with it, as the movie is not very popular to begin with and I’m quite used to people not liking it. She said that the movie left a bad aftertaste in her mouth, but she definitely didn’t hate it. She asked me what I liked about it. For some reason she caught me off guard. I didn’t think she would ask me that. I couldn’t think of anything better to say than that the movie “Greenberg” was a very important generational statement; before starting to name drop the people who did cameos in it, like Zosia Mamet and Mark Duplass and Juno Temple and Dave Franco (the brother of James Franco), and also James Murphy who did the soundtrack. I went as far as saying that she probably didn’t even know who Zosia Mamet was.

As if that would be a fair reason why one couldn’t get the movie.

What an obnoxious person I am.

She said that she didn’t even know who Greta Gerwig was before she saw this movie. “Exactly,” I said. She said, “Well, we should probably discuss the movie when we meet, okay?” I agreed and said bye. She said bye, and I ended the call.

I am yet to hear from her again.

I am in a foreign city. I went to the foreign city with a male friend of mine and his several friends to see a concert of a band. I hate the band in question, that’s not the reason I went, but everyone seems to think it is.

We are in this terrible sushi place. I am extremely bored, to the point of that I am no longer worried about not annoying people.

I announce to my friend’s boring friends that I’m now gonna tell this great anecdote. They are not interested even at this point, before I’ve even started. Instead, the girls are messing with their cell phones, and the boys just look bored, but still don’t seem to be interested in anything besides being bored.

I try to grab attention of this one girl who doesn’t have a pair in the group. “You listen,” I say. She listens.

I tell the story of the “Greenberg” DVD, almost word-for-word as presented above. I get around a quarter in before she finally completely loses any attention and starts to talk to another guy. My friend quietly tells me to stop my stupid and boring anecdote because I’m freaking out his friends.

I do not stop telling the anecdote because at this point it’s a matter of honour for me. I tell the anecdote till the end but nobody listens to me, or maybe they just pretend not to listen to me.

Later that day me and my friend are in a fast food restaurant meeting up with a female friend of ours, whom we both know since we were kids and who studies to become an actress. Her sister is there also.
We’ve caught up and now there’s an awkward pause. I propose to tell a great anecdote. My friend tells her that I already told that uninteresting anecdote earlier that day, and that it was a complete disaster.
She smiles and says that’s she’s very interested in hearing anything I say.
I proceed to tell the story of the “Greenberg” DVD. The anecdote is a huge success with her. She laughs at all the funny parts, including my great impression of the girl asking for the DVD. I feel like she’s the only person in the world that understands me.

We make a long eye contact. I look away. I look at her again, only to find out she’s still looking at me. She laughs slightly.

I suspect she has a secret crush on me, just like I have a secret crush on her.

Profile: Thor Løve

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