“MOST OF MY DAYS CONSIST OF MOSTLY NIGHT” by Rei Koz

I INHALE, THEN EXHALE THE “BENSON & HEDGES” SMOKE, AND I TASTE THE GOLD IN MY MOUTH.

I CAN TASTE THE GOLD.

I AM AT MY LITTLE BROTHER’S SCHOOL, SURROUNDED BY OVERLY LOUD CHILDREN, RUNNING & YELLING; THEY ARE A MOTION BLUR, AS I STAND STILL.

I LOOK AT THEIR FACES, WHICH ARE FIERCE –ALL CHILDREN ARE FIERCE– AND STARE AT THEM, OBSERVING THEIR EXPRESSIONS, AND FEATURES, DREADING THAT A MOTHER, OR TEACHER WILL NOTICE.

THE SCENT OF MOTION IS THAT OF CHOCOLATE.

THE SOUND OF MOTION IS THAT OF MILLIONS OF SUGAR CRYSTALS FALLING.

THE TASTE OF MOTION IS THAT OF CARAMEL CRYSTALIZED IN THE SHAPE OF A “RED” HEART.

THE “ANTICHRISTUS” IS A METAMODERNIST LEADER.

SOME OF MY DECISIONS ARE DETERMINED BY A “CABINET” OF FOUR “VOICES” IN MY MIND, EACH AT A CORNER, AND ONE OF THEM A FEMALE.

THEY STATE THEIR ARGUMENTS, “DISCUSS”, AND REACH A CONSENSUS WHICH IS OFTEN A “NIHILISTIC” ONE, THEN I MAKE A CONCLUSIVE DECISION BASED ON THEIR CONSENSUS.

I AM THE OBJECTIVE CENTER; ONE IS ZERO.

THEY ARE IN MY MIND, AND I CAN FEEL THEM IN MY BRAIN, RAPIDLY & INTERMITTENTLY PULSING.

THEY HAVE BEEN IN MY MIND SINCE I WAS A “TODDLER”, IN DIFFERENT FORMS. THIS IS THEIR FOURTH & MOST CONSISTENT FORM.

I WAKE UP AT LATE AFTERNOON, AND SHOWER WITH OVERLY WARM WATER.

I SMOKE WHILST SHOWERING; THE BATHROOM FILLED WITH STEAM, AND SMOKE.

I REALIZE HOW THE FUTURE SEEPS DOWN INTO THE PAST, AND THE PAST FURTHERS US INTO THE FUTURE.

DAILY ROUTINES EVOKE ALWAYS THE SAME MEMORIES, AND THOUGHT PATTERNS, AND I FORGET WHEN WAS THE FIRST SPACETIME THAT I THOUGH CERTAIN THING WHILST DOING CERTAIN THING; IT IS LIKE HEARING A SONG, OR SOUND PATTERN THAT SOUNDS VAGUELY FAMILIAR, OR VAGUELY REMEMBERING A SCENE, OR DIALOGUE FROM AN UNIDENTIFIED “MOVIE” IN THE PAST, THEN REALIZING THAT OTHER PERSONS VAGUELY REMEMBER IT ALSO, BUT NOONE EVER FINDS THE SOURCE OF THE MEMORY.

THE MORE THAT ONE PONDERS UPON “STRAY MEMORIES”, THE MORE HAUNTING THEY BECOME, BUT THEY ARE RELATIVELY EASY TO DISMISS.


Profile: Rei Koz

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