Four Poems by Mirah Sand

i.

remember that time you picked up the phone and said “roscoe’s chicken and waffles: what’s your beef?” and it ended up being our really humorless grandmother so you hung up on her
i think of the image of you, sitting with your back against the kitchen door,
we have the same high-pitched laugh at times
i wonder to what extent we pick up each other’s vibrations
swallow them and make them our own
i don’t believe in ‘individuals’
because i taste your strength in my mouth anytime i say no
l set alarms to remind myself to breathe
this middle-aged man in a Hawaiian shirt sat close to me on a plane once and made me uncomfortable
i kept telling myself, his sadnesses are deep and he suffers everyday
i turned away from him and watched a movie


ii.

How do you hug anyone for more than ten seconds without crying?

We tried to mirror each other’s bodies, and I could see how much sadness you found in my eyes through the way you contorted your face
I felt so vulnerable.

How do you open your mouth and trust that sound will come out?

i was four and i was in a bad mood and you asked me to explain myself so i told you that you loved me too much. i have to tell you now–to this day, that is the biggest lie i’ve ever told.

do not alienate people


iii.

I stopped you from killing yourself at least three times, you’ve never said thank you, what does that say about us?

i don’t remember what he did but I remember you repeating “I hate him, I hate him,” over and over again, shaking. maybe that was the third time i heard you say it out loud. it might have been the fourth, though.

your dad told you everyday that you would be so pretty if it weren’t for that nose

i am a sponge, i am who you are


iv.

we were talking about where it hurts and i said right underneath my ribs is where everything hits me and you covered your heart with your hand and said it was your chest your tight tight chest and now i’m thinking about my chest too and damn my chest is tight tight also i keep imagining these rows and sinews i keep imagining that there is nothing connecting my chest to anything else floating groundless heart i asked you what it means for you to pray and you told me strangers approach you and give you the most intimate parts of themselves when i was young i felt very strongly that i was a supergirl i don’t think it was born out of arrogance i don’t know how to blog but i know how to write emails you don’t respond to my emails but that doesnt mean you’re not grateful there are many many ways to care about a person and the way you eat berries is funny and good


Profile: Mirah Sand

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