I met you at at 3am.
We walked to the all-night bottle store and you bought alcohol and we walked back. You rolled me cigarettes and I asked your name. Declan, you said, but I was high and didn’t understand you properly.
I couldn’t stop touching your face. I was with my friend and you were fascinated with her purple hair. Everyone was fascinated with her long purple hair that went down to her waist. She was a tiny little thing, and my best friend. She kept giving me cigarettes and I kept lighting them.
A man with a strong English accent was touching her and kissing her. She was giggling and I was cold. It was 4am.
Someone suggested the beach so we started walking. You put your arm around me and we walked, sharing cans of beer and giggling manically. A homeless man followed us and was offering to buy the beer, and you got annoyed and told him to piss off. You picked me up and carried me to the beach. Everyone decided to go skinny dipping.
It was 5am.
I am still cold in the sea with you.
We went to the water and waded in to our knees. You held my hand and threaded your long fingers through mine. The others were farther out and we called them back in. We all sat on the beach and waited for the sun to come up. You had your arm around me again and I wanted to kiss you. So I did, and you kissed me back.
I had my legs in your lap and we were all talking about nothing in particular. I rubbed your crotch outside your jeans and you nibbled my neck. You were beautiful, no doubt about it. Your shoulder length hair, your wide shoulders and long, lovely limbs that were wrapped around mine. You had a defined jawline and light stubble, which I brushed with my cheek. I kissed you again and then we went and sat in a clearing of bushes where I gave you a blowjob and licked your nipples. I didn’t want you to touch me. I didn’t want to explain, because I was worried what you would say.
You discovered it anyway. You pulled up my sweater and started kissing my arm. You saw the disgusting gashes along my arm and paused.
“Did you do these?”
I lowered my gaze and nodded. “Yeah.”
There was silence for a bit and then you started talking. About how much of a challenge it is to begin that horrid cycle. To be able to do something so bad to keep yourself so strong. You told me about your personal struggle and I saw the burn marks on your arm. I wanted to cry, I wanted to kiss you over and over. I didn’t cry, but I kissed you. I’m not sure how many times I kissed you.
The grey blanket of rain began to cover us.
It was 7am.
Profile: Peri Eau de Mer