“Things that Made Me Cry Within the Past 22 Years of My Life” by Michael Koh

High: Excessive tears, loud sobbing, choking on tears, flowing snot, body-shudders, unwarranted use of the word “Why?”, frequent sniffling, sweating, decreased stress hormone cortisone, flailing arms, fatigue, headache
Moderate: Subdued sobbing, occasional sniffling, head buried in pillow, crumpled wads of ~2 sheets of tissue paper around hand, low feeling of depression, minor sinus blockage
Low: Tearing, coughing to cover up minor sobs, quick and eventual elevation of serotonin levels


Age 5: “Mom found you under a bridge.” – My brother [age 4]
Level: High

Age 6: Get bullied first day of school.
Level: Moderate [+grief]

Age 6: Step on pencil; get lead stuck in bottom of foot.
Level: Moderate [+pain, +infection]

Age 7: Losing at Monopoly
Level: High [+competitiveness]

Age 8: Lost my brother in a supermarket.
Level: Low [+frustration]

Age 8: Titanic
Level: Low/Moderate [+concern for kate winslet]

Age 10: Ash Ketchum dies in Pokemon the Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back
Level: Moderate [+concern for pikachu]

Age 11: My brother gets mugged, our apartment gets robbed.
Level: High [+violated]

Age 12: 9/11
Level: Low [+various feelings of being ‘fucked’]

Age 12: Gave away hamster for responsibility reasons.
Level: Indifferent [+relief]

Age 12: Someone steals my brother’s Pokemon Blue
Level: Moderate [+concern]

Age 14: Dad gets mugged.
Level: Moderate

Age 14: Double homicide in next-door apartment.
Level: Low [+fear]

Age 16: “I think we should break up, it’s not working out.”
Level: Low

Age 17: Major car accident.
Level: Moderate [-tears, +man]

Age 17: Get rejected by potential prom date.
Level: Low [+humility]

Age 17: Gave away dog because landlord found out.
Level: High [+ tears, -man]

Age 18: “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Level: Moderate

Age 20: Parents contemplate divorce.
Level: High [-childhood]

Age 21: “Are you breaking up with me?”
Level: High [-trust]

Age 22: Find out Bubba Smith died from friend while having a Police Academy marathon.
Level: Low/Moderate [+vague concern]

Profile: Michael Koh

3 thoughts on ““Things that Made Me Cry Within the Past 22 Years of My Life” by Michael Koh

  1. You have defiantly cried more then 22 times in 22 years, and you totally forgot about the time that giraffe put it in your butt. And i think everybody in your family needs to start carrying a gun.

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