“the world tastes like sugar daddies” by Michael Koh

paula deen wakes up
it is 9am

the television: there is a moving picture of bruce willis
paula deen admires bruce willis’ receding hairline

paula deen performs her daily exercise :
walk in place for 5 minutes

paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes
paula deen walks in place for 5 minutes

paual deen does not walk in place for 5 minutes

paula deen has a short attention span
psychiatrists call it ‘attention deficit disorder’
paula deen knows it is because of her sugar intake

paula deen likes to ride things
paula deen’s hips are two large hand rests
it is not 9am

paula deen goes out to whole foods
there is nothing at whole foods
it is 2pm

paula deen sees bruce willis
bruce willis does not see paula deen
paula deen waves at bruce willis
bruce willis does not wave at paula deen
there is a bag in bruce willis’ left hand
the sun reflects off of bruce willis’ head
paula deen smells butter
on principle paula deen waves to anyone
paula deen believes that it is the nice thing to do
it is 5pm

paula deen drives her black hummer
there is matt damon running at 25mph
matt damon trails behind the car
the hummer slows down
matt damon slows down
the hummer speeds up
matt damon speeds up
the hummer speeds up
matt damon speeds up slightly faster than before but matt damon is reaching a point in which the muscles cannot go beyond or else matt damon risks tearing his ligaments
the hummer speeds up
matt damon keeps his speed
the hummer speeds up
matt damon disappears in the receding horizon

the hummer has contributed 346g/km of carbon dioxide while racing matt damon
paula deen feels exhausted
paula deen’s hips feel exhausted
paula deen feels slighted
bruce willis does not know paula deen feels slighted
paula deen feels dejected
paula deen eats a ‘sugar daddy’ large pop
the ‘sugar daddy’ large pop has 200 calories
paula deen feels the caramel become soft
the caramel becomes soft due to its low boiling point

paula deen wonders about the weightlessness of space
space does not wonder about the weightlessness in space

Profile: Michael Koh

*This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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