“Is It True Theo Thimo Killed Himself Last Night?” by Theo Thimo

“Congratulations,” I thought, “Everyone likes you for who you are.”

I woke up with a large stye in my eye.

At the hospital, a woman talked to me for fifteen minutes about her sick aunt.

She said, “It feels like she’s getting worse everyday. It’s so difficult.”

“Imagine how she must feel,” I said.

In the doctor’s room, the nurse asked me if my dick was in good health.

“I wish I was taller,” I thought.

Later, I hugged you for a very, very long time.

“What do you think of my facial hair?” I asked, “I haven’t shaved in a week.”

“Peach fuzz,” you said.

“Do I look manly?”

You laughed, “It’s gross. And facial hair doesn’t make you a man.”

Outside, you looked at my eye and asked what was wrong with it.

“Side effect from just liking you so much,” I said.

You looked at me and said, “Okay.”

I imagined how you would look with shorter hair.

You said something about your ex-boyfriend.

I wondered if fighting him would impress you.

I woke up the next day with the stye gone.

You were sleeping next to me.

I said, “I have something to tell you.”

You opened your eyes.

“I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, but I want to be honest with you.”

“Okay,” you said.

“I like you a lot, but I want to be more than friends. Because I think you’re cute.”

You smiled.

“And I want to go out with you,” I said.

“I don’t know if I can handle a relationship right now,” you said.

“It will be hard but I think it will work out. I want you to go on a date with me.”

“Okay,” she said, “but lets take things slow.”

“We can go to a movie,” I said.


“Then we can get dinner,” I said.


“Then we can go back home and I’ll, I don’t know, fuck your brains out, I guess.”

You said, “I love you.”

I remembered that time when I asked you to tie my shoe for me and you did.

I thought that was funny.

Later that day, we formed a suicide pact

“Okay, what is that?”

“We need to kill ourselves together,” I said, “It’ll be romantic.”

“Okay, I guess we can do that.”

“I want to hug you,” I said.

“Then hug me.”

“No,” I said, “I change my mind.”

I didn’t hug you.

We haven’t spoken since August.

I ate a sandwich alone at Subway and felt just fine.

“I have this many friends,” I thought and stared at my hand.

Today, I cut myself shaving and it didn’t stop bleeding until 4PM.

Outside, It was partly cloudy.

“Things I like. . .” I thought without finishing the sentence.

Profile: Theo Thimo

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