strain back to see what loss delivers.
somewhere someone is saying
“i miss your face on my face.”
he replies without a pause
“i miss your eyes on my eyes”
you invent these words,
pretending to know what they mean.
but what you know is what you know,
and what you do not know waits to be discovered.
i feel like i might die from the sadness.
when i say ‘i feel like’; i wonder if i really mean ‘i want to’
But i don’t say those words.
I am not supposed to.
I am not supposed to indulge the sadness,
her black hands creeping into mine.
She holds me when i sleep, when i wake;
our fingers an intricate art of grief
She holds when i am still and unmoving in the shower,
eyes vacant, water running in memorized trails.
i almost track them on my skin
i tell myself it is love in a distorted language.
Do not ignore this.
Do not ignore my eyes searching
for help while you are beside me, glowing in the
dark with the light of your own being.
A lighthouse stranded and kissing the edge of
a dark sea, with no ships to call home.
Do not ignore the way i pull carefully away,
hands retreating to the shell of pockets and
clenched fists. Fingers like mimosa leaves,
caving in at the touch of love.
Remember my failure to embrace you instead
of silence. Find another waist for your eager palms
to kiss. I have not been eating well,
your hands miss the folds familiar to you.
Leave it, it is not my weight that is fickle.
Remember the way i scurry away,
your fingers begging for answers, stealing
time in between the words i speak.
There will be no romance here
Leave the flowers in the shop and verbosity
for the books. 3 words are enough, i do not
ask for affectations. Honesty is enough.
From a broken window, your voice
creeps through my hair.
“I love you but i don’t know why”
Profile: Diana Rahim